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Football transfer rumours: Tottenham to sign midfielder Patrick Herrmann?

12th October 2012

Today’s pap is a masterclass in citogenesis

Well, things have come to a pretty pass today, dear loyal reader. A combination of international weekend and modern journalism being jiggered means there’s only three rumours today. Three! Dearie me. Still, let’s try to jazz it up the best we can. It’s a TRANSFER TALK TREBLE! It’s a TITTLE-TATTLE TRIFECTA! It’s… a… no. Alliteration can’t disguise this thin farce. Let’s just get in and out, and hope for a bumper crop come Monday morning.

Tottenham Hotspur are going to sign the German midfielder Patrick Herrmann from Borussia Mönchengladbach for £7.5m. He’ll join Kasey Keller in the section where Tottenham and North Rhine-Westphalia overlap on this Venn diagram we’ve just started drawing. It’s not a particularly interesting Venn diagram so far, tell the truth. Let’s add another circle: All London. We can add Allan Simonsen to it now, providing he doesn’t go in the Spurs bit. There, that’s better.

Blackburn Rovers are this morning putting into action their managerial masterpla-

Let’s start again. Blackburn Rovers are going to offer Tottenham technical co-ordinator Tim Sherwood a £1m-a-year contract. They want him to be manager, just to make the aim of this scheme crystal clear.

Finally, let’s go down the road to Bolton. That road, incidentally, is the A666. It doesn’t have a crossroads, you’ll be relieved to hear, although we nevertheless managed to sell our soul to the devil for a mastery of blues guitar at the interchange with the M65. Anyway, Bolton Wanderers are hoping to persuade Molde boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer to ruin his fledgling career by joining the flailing Horwich giants. Asked the Lord above, have mercy, now save poor Ole if you please! © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

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