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Football transfer rumours: Ashley Cole to leave Chelsea?

6th September 2012

Today’s rumours have been sat patiently waiting

Steady on the roads if you live around Cobham, readers, because word is Ashley Cole may be having trouble at the wheel. The defender who admitted to being so enraged at being offered a paltry £5,000-per-week pay hike by Arsenal six years ago that “I nearly crashed my car” is, according to today’s Sun, beside himself with fury after hearing that Chelsea are only prepared to offer him a one-year contract when his current deal expires next year. How is a man expected to concentrate on driving and continue floundering in a defence that has conceded an average of nearly two goals in every match so far this season, all while fretting about where his next meal is coming from?

“Mr Abramovich has a rule that anyone over 30 can only be given a one-year extension but it’s madness in Ashley’s case,” dribbled someone in the Sun’s cantee … sorry, said “a Chelsea insider” according to the Sun. “Everyone knows he’s the best left-back in the world,” chorused Fabio Coentrão and Jordi Alb … no, sorry, it’s that “insider” again. “He trains hard, really looks after himself and can play at this level for many more years to come,” added Ashley Col … dang, sorry, it was still the “insider”. So anyway, Cole is going to try bravely to hold himself together long enough to pull over to the side of the road and use his last few coins to call a special premium-rate helpline that Cristiano Ronaldo has set up to provide support for super-rich football who are sad at not being super-richer.

Meanwhile, Ronaldo’s prospects of being consoled by a bumper pay rise have dropped amid suggestions that the club is trying to scroung together every available cent to buy Radamel Falcao, the striker who made Cole look an overpaid prat in the Super Cup last week. What a feat, eh? Falcao, of course, is currently playing for Real’s arch rival Atlético so is wisely staying tight-lipped about the prospect of a move across Madrid … but his dad isn’t. “His dream is to play for Real Madrid,” spouted Papa Falcao to Spanish TV last night. “Since he was a boy he has always wanted to play there. If he can’t go there, he will go to England.” The ensuing conversation in Casa Falcao has not been revealed but the player himself did take to Twitter to and stammer: “Just so the whole world is clear: my dream is to win titles with Atlético Madrid and to qualify for the World Cup with Colombia.” So there you have it: Falcao – lots of talent, one rash pop, and no imagination: what sort of half-arsed dreamer fantasises about merely qualifying for the World Cup? It’s a dream, Falcao, let yourself go and hit a hat-trick in the final! Even if Cole is unlikely to be in the defence you’re playing against.

Nani, meanwhile, could be about to complete a dream move to Zenit St Petersburg, who are rumoured to be about to offer Manchester United £25m before the Russian transfer window closes today. England’s Fraizer Campbell could return to Hull as Sunderland are eager to loan him out. Jermaine Jenas, meanwhile, could return to Nottingham Forest on loan. © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

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